Sunday, December 22, 2013

Give children the gift of your time and attention

There are tremendous benefits for children who attend high quality preschool programs; "they learn better, behave better, live healthier and earn more for the rest of their lives." These findings come from the 1962-67 Perry Preschool Project study that followed children in the programs through the decades and into their 40’s.

However we also know that the benefits from a preschool education are often lost without a loving, caring, and academically supportive household. Whatever the level of education or income of a parent, they can support their child’s development by nurturing them with love, attention and experiences that encourage learning.

One of the best ways to give children the attention they need is to read and talk with them. Stories are how children try the world on for size, see who they are at a moment in time and see who they might become. Inside the experience of reading is a reading relationship that comes into being when parents talk with children about the story, talk with them about what matters. The currency of that relationship is the love, tenderness and affection children receive when we give them our attention in this way.

Every parent wants the best for their child and engaging with children through conversation about what matters is how parents protect and nurture their children, both intellectually and emotionally.

Think about giving your child and you the gift of a trip to the library along with a snack while you read and talk together. That gift offers a lifelong memory  and will not be forgotten or discarded.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Parents can help children cope with bullies


I am in favor of whatever it takes to combat bullying. A recent article in the San Francisco Chronicle spoke of how schoolyard bullies have been around forever, but the advent of social networks have made the problem much larger. Parents can play an important role in preparing children to resist being bullied and becoming a bully by talking with them about the subject.

There is no better way to gain empathy and understanding than by stepping into the shoes of a person inside a story. Parents reading to children and talking with them about bullying is an integral part of the solution.  Parents need to have those conversations before a child becomes a bully, a bystander that allows bullying, or the victim of bullying. It is better to have those conversations before they are needed.

Some conversation starters:
~
Are you born a bully?
~Do boys and girls bully in the same way?
~Why does a person become a bully?
~Where do you learn to be a bully?
~Did you ever meet a happy bully?
~Do bullies have genuine friends?

What we choose not to talk about with our children is their lifelong burden. I believe information is power and the more opportunities children have to talk with responsible adults about subjects that matter, the better off they will be. Parents having these conversations with their children can help their child navigate an often complicated and not so nice world. That is just one of the many job descriptions of a good parent.

Monday, December 9, 2013

If a book is good for you to read at 5, it is good to read at 50.


A recent article in the WSJ drew attention to gorwn-ups reading Children’s books. I don’t think it is any secret that a good book for children is a good book at any age —as C.S. Lewis said: If a book is good for you to read at 5, it is good to read at 50.  But there is a big benefit when children and adults together engage in reading a book. When parents talk with children about a book they are part of a reading relationship.

The currency of a reading relationship is love, affection and tenderness and become part of a child’s emotional DNA. A reading relationship fosters the emotional connections children need to thrive and forever changes the experience of reading. Parents who read and talk about a story with children feel more connected to their children and more satisfied in their role as a parent.
Reading is not simply the interaction of the child with a book. Intimacy and closeness are communicated while you are talking about a book and are the heart of the Reading Relationship, which every child deserves to experience. 

If readers bring books to life, conversations that happen inside a reading relationship bring readers to life. 



Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Chicken soup comes in all different guises

I am thankful to all the authors who have enriched my life with their wisdom, humor and compassion. So much I who I am and what I do comes from the books I have met in my life.   

Thanksgiving celebrates our capacity to be thankful usually with a culinary feast but I believe that chicken soup is not the only ‘comfort food’ we can offer people. And let me draw attention to children for a moment.
I believe that if we give children the love and attention they need and we put in their memory banks, the wisdom and sentiments from the best of books for children, they will have what they need to go out into the world, thrive and be their best selves.

Every parent wants the best for their child and engaging with children through conversation about what matters—provides parents a vehicle to offer children our attention, our hearts and our minds. I do believe that attention is the greatest gift we can offer children.

When I want to ponder the idea of being thankful, I often think of Emily in Wilder’s Our Town who said: “I didn’t realize all that was going on and never noticed. Oh, earth, you’re too wonderful for anybody to realize you.” 

Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Lincoln and Winnie the Pooh knew that Winston Churchill was right: Short words are best, and the old words, when short are best of all.




Referring to Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address as a sound bite might sound blasphemous but in fact it has the hall marks of a well written sound bite: short, sweet, to the point and delivered in just over two minutes.   In just over 2 minutes, Lincoln reiterated the principles of human equality. Lincoln's carefully crafted address, secondary to other presentations that day, came to be regarded as one of the greatest speeches in American history and lest it be understated, this is the only speech from that day that we are still reading.

Nov 19 gives you an opportunity to expose your children to exemplary writing and to have a conversation with your children that ponders the question: “Which sound bites from today will be read 150 years from now?” A sound bite can be deep and reflective, although that is not always the case. Too many sound bites of today say little and offer even less to think about. 


I think Lincoln must have known what Winnie the Pooh came to know: “It is more fun to talk to someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short easy words like ‘What about lunch?’ ” Lincoln and Winnie knew that Winston Churchill was right: Short words are best, and the old words, when short are best of all. 



Thursday, November 7, 2013

Play is the work of childhood.

A mind at play is the source of our most creative thoughts and overuse of technology can make it difficult for the mind to play. Children need time and space to be—to play, to daydream, to imagine, and to create. Too much data coming in with technology compromises the very activities that allow us to be creative.  Are we encouraging children to be proficient search engines and information gatherers at the expense of fostering their growth and development?

No doubt, technology does enhance children’s education—the internet’s value as a research tool— but the concern becomes the over use of technology and how compatible child-friendly digital technologies are with the nature of childhood and the flowering of their self.

Here are some recent findings that shed light on every parent’s quandary of how much and how soon children should be introduced to technology.

~ The  American Academy of Pediatrics  recommends no “screen time” – that’s time with any sort of media device, from TV sets to smartphones – for children under age 2 and less than one or two hours a day for older kids.

~ Playing with real life toys, puzzles, and books is better than then the educational shows and applications on media devices says Dr. Julie O’Brien, a pediatrician at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital.

~  A child’s world is supposed to center around people. “”Parents need to make sure their children are getting a minimum time of interaction. We may be losing sight of the basics – talk to your kid, play with your kid, ” says Dr.  Mark Cohen, a pediatrician at Kaiser Santa Clara.

Diane returns to New Haven, CT to work with Librarians

Diane Frankenstein, author of Reading Together, Everything You Need to Know to Raise a Child Who Loves to Read and a champion for strategic literacy, will spend Thursday, November 14 with almost 100 family and children’s librarians from across the State of Connecticut.  The conference, designed to provide both inspiration and practical knowledge on the value of conversational reading and parent engagement, will take place at Gateway Community College in New Haven.  Stefan Pryor, Connecticut’s Commissioner of Education, will welcome the group in the morning in recognition of the important connection between conversational reading, early learning and school success.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Empathy 101 read a story


It's hard work growing up and nobody said it was easy to be a good parent. Children need attention, love and guidance to thrive. A child's emotional intelligence is key to their personal success and happiness. Empathy is one of the most important qualities parents can help their child develop and comes into being with cultivation, modeling and experiencing empathy first hand.

Empathy is an emotional trait that determines so much of who we are, how we think, and what we do. Children learn to practice empathy by watching their parents and by experiencing it themselves--being treated well by adults who respond warmly to their feelings. 

Boys and girls develop differently in terms of acquiring and being able to feel and respond with empathy. The ability to take others' perspective begins rising steadily in girls at age 13, but boys don't begin until age 15 to show gains in perspective taking.

Parents can play an important role to help instill empathy in both their sons and daughters by encouraging their children to “walk in another person’s shoes,” and there is no better way to think and feel yourself into another person’s shoes than to step inside their story. Reading a person’s story enlarges an individual’s experience of the world and stories stir our emotions and make us feel. In attempting to understand, empathy counts for much. And the literary experience becomes the passport to the entry into an experience.

When you know a person’s story, your empathy for the other grows and you begin to see that person as an individual. You begin to see that you have more in common than you might have imagined and your differences begin to fade in importance

The health and well being of the world depend on fathers and mothers taking an active role in encouraging their children to develop empathy. Their children and the world will be better for it.

I try and never forget something Teddy Roosevelt said:  “No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care”

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Education in China and the United States: how do they compare?


I began working in China in 1998 and I just returned from my 18th trip. Reflecting over those many years I realized that certain qualities about education in China stand out. I know how foolish it is to speak in such broad and general terms but I want to share with you what I noticed back in 1998 and what I continue to notice in 2013. A recent article in the NYT, The Shanghai Secret flagged some observations I also hold about the attitude and application of certain educational beliefs of the Chinese. First there is a deep, commitment to teacher training, which encourages peer-to-peer learning and professional development. Second, there is a deep involvement of parents in their children's learning. Third, this is a culture that prizes education and respects teachers. Emphasis is put on giving teachers time to deepen their knowledge of what they are teaching along with professional development that fine tunes their teaching skills. In addition, schools emphasize "parent training."

Parents of young children often ask me what schools are best for their child. I don't have a specific answer but I tell them to pay attention to how schools value and support their school community. First, how much of a priority does the school give to professional development? Second, what kind of Parent Ed does the school provide? Thirdly, look at the degree of parental involvement. Studies have found that parental engagement is a reliable indicator of a child’s success in school.

American education might lag behind in certain areas and we have much to learn from other countries but I always return to my work here in the US with a sense of pride in what we do best. I know of no other culture that prizes creativity and innovation, which are our strengths. If we can learn from the Chinese and apply the three criteria they apply to education, we will have a winning equation and other countries will continue to look to learn from our strengths.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Diane begins a new Adult literary Series

Diane will begin her 2013/14 Literary Series in December. The series meets in San Francisco, once a month, Tuesday and Thursday from 8:30-11am, from early December through early May. Diane will also be doing a St Helena Napa series on Friday mornings in St Helena. The St Helena Series meets from 9-11:30am. Space is limited and is on a fist come, fist serve basis. For more information, contact Diane.

Diane will be presenting at the Nueva School Innovative Learning Conference, October 17 & 18, 2013.

Monday, October 14th, 2013
More than 60 internationally acclaimed speakers and scholars will present at the Nueva School Conference. For more information:http://www.innovativelearningconference.org/speakers/friday-speakers

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Books that make a sound in your heart.


The New York Public Library is risking the wrath of kids of all ages with a new list of the 100 most popular children’s books of the last 100 years that omits many favorites. Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/new-york-public-library-releases-100-popular-children-books-list-article-1.1471423#ixzz2gnjXU2ik

I relish the debate! The love of a book is like a love affair and to mess with it is serious business, as it should be. My love of a book often verges on feeling sacred— and once I love a book, it becomes mine forever. What makes the books I read so powerful? Reading does for me what travel does. I go places and meet new people, and quite often, the people I meet change my life. It is as I had my very own fairy godmother who continually puts books on my path.

So the NY Public Library’s new list of best books is cause for celebration. Do I love every book on list— absolutely not!  My list of favorites looks very different —which books are on your list?  My criteria for a book becoming an evergreen favorite is that it must make an indelible sound in my heart.

Let the conversation over what are your favorite reads begin and continue forever.  Lucky us who are readers!

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Mealtime is the ideal time to pay attention to your children.



Working in China brings an endless barrage of sights, sounds and experiences that I continually try to understand. In my effort to understand the Chinese people, I think their relationship to food and meals is a very good place to begin.  If you meet a Chinese person before lunch, the typical greeting is: “Have you eaten yet?"  "Are you hungry?" When meeting someone in the afternoon, you would greet him or her with "Are you full?"  The age-old greeting of “Have you eaten?” goes back to a time when food was scare and people have to embark upon long journeys.

For a person that lives to eat, this is definitely a society that feels very friendly to my sensibilities.  In addition, I there is see something important beneath this friendly greeting. In China, I see families eating together and engaged in lively conversation—young and old. In contrast I think of too many American families where eating together is a rarity or an activity saved for special occasions.

A recent article in the WSJ  “Does Dinner Count If It's Really, Really Quick?” directed our attention to the importance of families eating together. The article pointed out the many benefits of families eating together—better grades, healthier body weight, and stronger relationships with parents and better overall mental health. It’s not the content of the conversations being delivered that matters. What makes eating together so important is that parents are paying attention, looking at and engaging with their child. In today’s frenetic and plugged in world, all too often children often become a “call waiting.” I cringe when parents tell me the best way of communicating with their children is with a text—easy, fast and to the point. Since when did raising children become synonymous with easy, fast and to the point?

I think it’s safe to say that parents all over the world want their children to thrive, both emotionally and intellectually. But what kind of experiences actually help a child thrive?  Children need in the early years, stable, positive relationships with loving caretakers along with good learning experiences.  So much of parenting is about the work of noticing and acknowledging a child’s feelings, dreams, hopes and fears. Children feel loved when they feel known and understood. Love, tenderness and affection—essential nutrients children need— require time and attention.

Mealtime is the ideal time to pay attention to your children. They need your attention and in turn, parents will feel more connected to their children and feel more satisfied in their role as parents. The conversation content can go in any direction—“How was your day?”  “Did you learn anything that you are curious about?” Talk, about something happening in the world, in your neighborhood, your school, your workplace. Talk about something you read in a magazine, newspaper article, and a book. Talk about something you heard on TV or the radio?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Diane takes Reading Together to China


Diane will be speaking on why becoming a good reader is such an important life skill and show how the Reading Relationship transforms the experience of reading.

Different than you might have thought in the past, reading words is not the reading experience – it’s just the beginning. At the heart of the reading experience is the Reading Relationship, which becomes part of a child’s emotional DNA.

Diane will be at:
Western Academy of Beijing, Pro-Active Learning, Chinese International School, Braemar Hill Nursery School and Infants, Toddleers and Twos in Hong Kong.

For more information, contact
Pro-Active Learning Ltd.
pal@proactive-learning.com

Monday, September 9, 2013

The Reading Relationship transforms the experience of reading.


Different than you might have thought in the past, reading words is not the reading experience - it’s just the beginning. At the heart of the reading experience is the Reading Relationship, which becomes part of a child’s emotional DNA.

Conversational Reading (reading and talking with children about a story) changes the reading relationship in fundamental ways and is a proven method you can use with any book.
Different than you might have thought in the past, reading words is not the reading experience - it’s just the beginning. At the heart of the reading experience is the Reading Relationship, which becomes part of a child’s emotional DNA.

Conversational Reading (reading and talking with children about a story) changes the reading relationship in fundamental ways and is a proven method you can use with any book.

Conversational Reading ensures your child develops an appreciation for the books they read through better comprehension, the ability to make a story their own and the capability to connect what they read to other books, ideas and personal experiences. Along with the strong literacy skills, Conversational Reading also supports the growth of a child’s emotional  IQ by teaching them about empathy and compassion. These qualities come into being inside the reading relationship that forever changes the experience of reading.   

Conversational Reading fosters a tender and close relationship between parent and child. Why do those lucky adults who had the fortunate experience of being read to as children remember that experience with such vivid fondness? They are tapping into the felt memories of the love, tenderness and affection they received during that experience. These emotions are at the heart of what children need to thrive and they are the currency of the reading relationship.

The real benefit of Conversational Reading draws attention to the reading relationship that often goes unsaid and overlooked. Conversational Reading helps children become good readers and as importantly, the reading relationship that comes from the experience fosters the emotional connections children need to thrive.

Parents who read and talk about a story with children feel more connected to their children and more satisfied in their role as a parent. In turn, the reading experience for the child gives a clear message they are loved and understood, which ultimately fosters strong communication skills for parents and children.

Reading is not simply the interaction of the child with a book. Intimacy and closeness are communicated while you are talking about a book and is at the heart of the Reading Relationship, which every child deserves to experience.





Monday, August 26, 2013

What makes kids smart?

With Labor Day approaching, Back to School has already happened in many communities and it makes perfect sense to ask ourselves: “What makes kids smart or better stated, what do kids need to succeed in school?”

All parents know children need to be good learners to be successful in and out of school. The smartest Kids in the World, is a recent book that points to 3 reasons kids excel in school—and the author looks to schools not in the United States to find the factors that seem to determine academic success.

In Norway teachers are well trained and love their jobs. Only top students are allowed to enroll in teacher-training programs, which are more demanding than such programs in America. Coupled with that belief in the idea that students know they need to work hard to graduate, go to university and get a good job. Compare this with the fact that a quarter of American students fail to graduate from high school.

The second piece of information comes from Korea, where rigor is on steroids, with kids attending hagwons, the cram schools where Korean kids get their real education. Parents see this as the only way their children will pass the country’s stringent graduation exam, which is seen as the key to a successful, prosperous life.

The third piece of information comes from Poland, reproducing best practices learned from Finland and Korea—well trained teachers, a rigorous curriculum and a challenging exam required of all graduating seniors.

Every child deserves well-qualified teachers who like their students, a vigorous curriculum and a way to evaluate students’ knowledge upon high school graduation.

As the school year begins, these ideas should be front and center of any debate about children and education.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Don’t Shoot! It’s an ‘Empathy Game’

A new generation of Video games, which are telling a story are pumping empathy as opposed to adrenaline. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324769704579010641205335768.htmlWSJ

I welcome the arrival of the video game industry to the world of story telling which is how children learn empathy. Man is a storytelling animal who needs stories to help us understand others and ourselves. Stories create connections between a reader and a character and the empathy that comes from those connections help us be more human and often bring a therapeutic effect for a person struggling with a challenge.

Empathy and perspective springs from the experience of reading and talking about a story and permits children to understand their own and other people’s feelings.  A good story allows you to step inside a character’s shoes and feel and think what they are experiencing.

Children need to have high literacy skills, the use and command of language, so they can tell their own stories and understand the stories of other.  Stories help us regulate our emotions, consider consequences, think before acting, and consider how others feel, all of which help us thrive in all aspects of our lives.

The relationship between parent and child is part of the reading experience. Parents who Conversationally Read— read and talk about a story with children— feel more connected to their children and more satisfied in their role as a parent. In turn, the reading experience for the child gives a clear message they are loved and understood. This is how we help children thrive and reach their full potential.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Readers bring books to life.


P.L. Travers, author of the well loved Mary Poppins would be 113 years old today. In addition to creating one of the most well known and loved character in a children’s book, she wrote extensively about the power and influence story has on our lives. Travers informed my long held belief that a book is only half complete once it is written. It takes a reader to complete the book— readers bring books to life. And Travers wisely said:

“A writer is, after all, only half his book. The other half is the reader and from the reader the writer learns.”
~ P.L. Travers

A bit of trivia— (born Helen Lyndon Goff; 9 August 1899 – 23 April 1996) was an Australian-born novelist, actress and journalist. In 1924 she immigrated to England where she wrote under the pen name P. L. Travers.
For those who think of the author or Mary Poppins and Peter Pan in the same vein— Travers greatly admired and emulated J. M. Barrie the author of the novel Peter Pan which bears many structural resemblances to the Mary Poppins series. Indeed, Travers’ first publisher was  Peter Llewelyn Davies,Barrie’s adopted son and widely regarded as the model for Peter Pan.

Celebrate the birthday of P.L Travers, author of Mary Poppins, and listen to the song “A Spoonful of Sugar “helps the medicine go down.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Begin the school year with a mindset that encourages excitement about learning.

We live in an age of information. We are inundated by it. Too much information can swamp the boat of wonder, especially for a child.
Creative & critical thinking depends crucially upon habits of mind that are most readily acquired by children: curiosity; voracious observation; sensitivity to rules and variations within the rules; and fantasy. Quality children's books instill these habits of mind and inspire a child’s sense of wonder of the world, placing a youngster on the road to lifelong learning.

Conversational Reading, reading and talking with children about a story, encourages children to be like the kid in Dr. Seuss’s On Beyond Zebra who refused to be limited by the fact of the alphabet: "In the places I go there are things that I see / That I never could spell if I stopped with the Z."