Working in China brings an
endless barrage of sights, sounds and experiences that I continually try to
understand. In my effort to understand the Chinese people, I think their
relationship to food and meals is a very good place to begin. If you meet a Chinese person before lunch,
the typical greeting is: “Have you eaten yet?" "Are you
hungry?" When meeting someone in the afternoon, you would greet him or her
with "Are you full?" The
age-old greeting of “Have you eaten?” goes back to a time when food was scare
and people have to embark upon long journeys.
For a person that lives to
eat, this is definitely a society that feels very friendly to my
sensibilities. In addition, I there is see something important beneath
this friendly greeting. In China, I see families eating together and engaged in
lively conversation—young and old. In contrast I think of too many American families
where eating together is a rarity or an activity saved for special occasions.
A recent article in the
WSJ “Does Dinner Count If It's Really,
Really Quick?” directed our attention to the importance of families eating
together. The article pointed out the many benefits of families eating
together—better grades, healthier body weight, and stronger relationships with
parents and better overall mental health. It’s not the content of the
conversations being delivered that matters. What makes eating together so
important is that parents are paying attention, looking at and engaging with
their child. In today’s frenetic and plugged in world, all too often children often
become a “call waiting.” I cringe when parents tell me the best way of
communicating with their children is with a text—easy, fast and to the point.
Since when did raising children become synonymous with easy, fast and to the
point?
I think it’s safe to say
that parents all over the world want their children to thrive, both emotionally
and intellectually. But what kind of experiences actually help a child thrive? Children need in the early years, stable,
positive relationships with loving caretakers along with good learning
experiences. So much of parenting is about the work
of noticing and acknowledging a child’s feelings, dreams, hopes and fears.
Children feel loved when they feel known and understood. Love, tenderness and affection—essential
nutrients children need— require time and attention.
Mealtime
is the ideal time to pay attention to your children. They need your attention
and in turn, parents will feel more connected to their children and feel more
satisfied in their role as parents. The conversation
content can go in any direction—“How was your day?” “Did you learn anything that you are curious
about?” Talk, about something happening in the world, in your neighborhood,
your school, your workplace. Talk about something you read in a magazine,
newspaper article, and a book. Talk about something you heard on TV or the
radio?
